Wha Ha-pen?

Where have I been? What happened to this blog? Why don't I write? Theories are everywhere:

I'm lazy. I'm a bad writer. I have no original ideas. I can't handle the pressure of an audience. I'm too busy watching Rob & Big. I'd rather play Spider Solitaire on the BlackBerry. I'm too cool for a blog. I'm not cool enough for a blog. I got a new turntable. I spent 5 days at the Grand Wailea (on company dollars, no less). I spent 5 days in Wyoming. I drove across northern Nevada twice in four days with only one night of sleep in between. I have trouble waking up in the morning. I drink too much Diet Coke. I can't stop listening to Boxer (the National). I can't stop listening to The Reminder (Feist). I bought tickets to see the White Stripes and Arcade Fire and Built to Spill and the National (Arcade Fire and the National on back-to-back nights in Denver... holy holy). I buy four tickets to every show without knowing if anyone else wants to go. I play golf. I own at least five golf shirts. I own golf shoes. I'm moving up the corporate ladder. I have no idea where I'm going. I miss Portland more than I should. I'm reading the only Nick Hornby book I haven't read (A Long Way Down) and it's fantastic. I sleep with a baseball bat next to my bed. I've decided to buy records instead of CDs. I have horrible manners. I shrug a lot. I wink even more. I've given up on learning to whistle. I do my best to maintain a clean and orderly cubicle. I keep a change of clothes in the trunk of my car. I refer to my sons as "The Chubby" and "The Scrawny". I enjoyed Live Free or Die Hard a little too much. I eavesdrop. I have no excuse.

So that's that. Take your pick. Leave another couple in the comments. I know better than to promise that this post signals a change in my behavior... but I can hope, right?